Turning self-doubt into self-growth: A new job edition

Two months ago, I started this new job as a consultant with no prior consultancy experience. Now, if you are moving jobs in a pandemic it is hard because you don’t get to meet these people who interact with you at such a personal and intellectual level, it is the intimacy of the different kind which in this situation is completely missing. To top it off, if this something completely out of your comfort zone, it doesn’t take time for this space to become a breeding ground for self -doubts.

That is what has been happening to me. I often find myself sitting in these meetings feeling like the dumbest person in the room, someone who constantly questions her thinking and ability to process all the information that is being thrown at her. This thought process has the full potential to affect you mentally, emotionally, physically, and professionally. Imagine a tiny voice in your head constantly reiterating that you are not smart enough, good enough, articulate enough and the list goes on; this voice is so toxic and must be shut down at all costs before it gets too late.

My first instinct to shut this voice down has been external validation, preferably coming from my boss. Now, while external validation is a great way to boost your self-esteem, it is also very limiting and transactional and if I may say so, it is not even sustainable. I think this comes from our long-standing relationship with praise — we used to hearing “I am proud of you” but how often are we taught to tell this to ourselves. Why do I need to hear this from someone else more than I need to hear it from myself? Moreover, why do I believe someone else more easily than I believe myself? Why is our relationship with ourselves so broken when no one will understand YOU better than YOU yourself?

So, based on personal experiences and because I really want to be my own cheerleader (I mean I still want external validation but that will not and should not determine my self-worth); I have come up with a few steps of changing this self-doubt into self-compassion. This is because self-compassion creates a space to grow, evolve, and make mistakes while you’re at it.

STEP 1 — Affirmations

This could be the oldest trick in the book, but it works like magic. I like to call this positive self-talk, you can tell yourself everything that you would want to hear from others. Add this to your AM or PM routine — I like to do my affirmations right before I go to bed immediately after I am done with my skincare regimen. Initially, you might not believe everything you tell yourself, but slowly, you will start to internalize it and then it becomes a part of your belief system.

A few of my favorite affirmations are:

1. I am proud of myself and my achievements
2. I am strong, calm, and centered
3. I am open and accepting of all the blessings and opportunities that the universe has in store for me
4. I understand and acknowledge my inner wisdom and I allow it to expand
5. I attract only positive people and experiences

STEP 2 — Self-awareness checklist

It has taken me a long time to understand the power of being organized, but better late than never. You can make this checklist by using the renowned SWOT analysis framework. You need not go into the whole opportunities and threats analysis, it is most important to acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses here.

Now, it is one thing to make this checklist but it would mean nothing if you don’t act on it. My recommendations on how to use this checklist are;

1. Include your strengths into your affirmations — a little extra self-appreciation didn’t hurt anyone
2. Reframe your weaknesses into goals — when we turn something into a goal we automatically start planning to conquer it.
3. Every goal needs an action plan — now don’t set out to overachieve. You need to start by identifying the easiest and immediate next step. Make this a part of your routine and the rest will flow. The first step is the hardest.
4. Pause — check in with yourself to see how are you feeling about your strengths and weaknesses.
5. Tell a friend/family — We need people who hold us accountable, let your folks know about your journey of self-growth so that you have someone to celebrate it with, and most importantly get that extra dose of external validation

STEP 3 — Celebrate your victories

When you start on this journey, share it with your friends and family because we need people to hold us accountable and give us that external validation boose from time to time. This gets me to my next point — CELEBRATE YOURSELF. You need to be cognizant of the fact that change is a long and slow process and we need to reward ourselves from time to time. So, do that, set small goals, smash them, and then go celebrate them with your loved ones.

STEP 4— Map your progress

I am a consultant now, so I got to show my love for frameworks and process maps. Mark your starting point and then build from there. Every time you smash that goal (whether it is sleeping on time, finishing a book, whatever it is) mark it on this map. Make this as elaborate or simple as you desire, the aim is to keep tracking that progress (however small or big)

So, that is my 4-step program to go from self-doubt to self-growth. I hope this helps :)